Really Wish

that I had a friend that could relate to me & vise versa on subjects of weight loss & family. Another mom who wants to be a "hot mom" someone her husband/boyfriend and kid can be really proud of.

Today

I have to figure out at least a week of exercise for myself and how I am going to incorporate that in. I want to train for a 5k, and use my equipment at home. I am starting Jan 1st (cliche, cliche) but I am pretty dang good at sticking to things now so I am not worried about blowing it. Maybe I will start out with treadmill in morning before anyone is up, and Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. Yeah, that sounds like a plan! That actually takes care of 30 days and whatever else I want to add in there during the month. Summer, bikini, here I come!!!

Surprised!

About my weight today. I basically woke up thinking that I was going to weigh 153/154 because I drank some alcoholic egg nog last night, cookie dough ice cream, cookie dough, chips & sour cream and half a tamale. I feel huge this morning, and I am... but not as bad as I thought -148-. I can deal with 148 a lot better than 154! Only 10 lbs and I will be back in the 130's. Having family pictures taken at the end of the month, so I want to be skinny. I will be skinnier -128-

Can't Remember

the date of my last entry... but, I know it has been at least a couple weeks. So, last Friday I weighed 138 and after a week of my sister visiting and nonstop eating out and late nights with some alcohol today I weigh a disturbing 151!!! And I did not eat well today either. That is all I have to say about that, makes me wanna cry right now. I mean, I know I cna deal and get the weight off no problem but, it is frustrating when you feel like you are back to square one.

Whiskey & Diet

My Drink of choice at home. It is 111 w/2 shots & no carbs. My other go-to is Michelob Ultra 95 Cal's & 2.6 carbs. BTW, I use Diet Pepsi & McCormick Whiskey. If I were to shoot Whiskey it would be Jack or Makers Mark

Happy Tuesday!

Yes, I am actually in a pretty good mood this morning! I am not happy that after another eventful weekend binge that I was up to 146 yesterday! I am not happy about that at all. But, I have the entire week to get my head on straight. I ate extremely well yesterday and am down to 143 this morning. I guess I will be lucky to be down to 138 by Saturday. I am hoping 135 or lower but, that is extreme wishful thinking...

One Forty Six

Yep, that is what I weigh on the dot this morning! I hate it but, I will get it right back off this week!!!

Binge Binge Binge Binge

That is how many days I have been doing that! Ugh, I feel so disgusting! But, all is not lost. I am getting back on the high road tomorrow and I am not stopping until... never! No more of this up & down stuff. But, my first goal is to be at the highest 132 by Christmas Day. No binging at least until then, for a goal.

Yay!

I am motivated again, bordering obsessive. I am always at that line between out of control and totally got it together. I teeter, and some days are better than others but, there are those days that all the planets align and everything goes MY way, I love it! So, yesterday I weighed in and I was at 139, and... I started my . Today I weighed and I was 137! Only 2 more lbs till I am back at my original goal weight and then I can work on my next goal of 125-128 - I will be happy anywhere around there. People are already telling me that is too skinny, I think it is perfect and is not even anywhere being underweight. I am hoping I am at 135 tomorrow but, I have a feeling it will be 136 because I know my body so well. But, I am happy non-the-less.

My food today

Mon, Dec 06 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Sugar Free Rockstar C 960 40
Coffee (Filter) 356 4
Whiskey - 40% Volume 50 111
Breakfast
Thick Sliced Bacon - Bacon D 26 139
Dinner
Beef, Loin, Bottom Sirloin Butt, Tri-tip Roast - Separable Lean Only, Trimmed To 0" Fat, All Grades, Cooked, Roasted B- 85 155
Jalapeno Cheddar dog 160
Jalapeno Cheddar dog 160
Snacks
Tillamook 110
Total Calories Consumed 878
Total Carbs 2

So,

tomorrow I expect to be no heavier than 140! My body will succumb to my will!!!

Have done

sooooo much better today! Yes, I could have done better but, after eating all the crap that I ate last weekend, I am left with a lot of cravings for what my body does not need! It's like a small child inside and when it see's oreo's and candy & bread etc etc, basically everything it cannot have it begs for it and I have to be the parent that know's best what is good for my body and I have to sternly say "No!" And it whines and cries a little but, it eventually gets over it. But, it starts new everyday. There are good days and bad days. Days when it is totally mellow and behaves and days where it is just a raging terror! I know this, I have a 2.5 yr old son.

Weighed this morning

and my weight was 142.2, aaaaaah! But, on the up side, not as high as I thought it might be. This is not really in line with me getting to 128 by Dec 25th. But, I still think that I can do it! My 1st goal is to be back down to 135 on or before next Friday, so that gives me 5 days and I know I can do that! Here is an example of what I eat:

Breakfast:
Eggs
Coffee w/SF creamer & splenda
Bacon 2 pieces

Lunch:
2 Cups Salad
1 oz feta
4 oz of fish or chicken
Ranch Dressing

Dinner:
Chicken
Steamed Veggies

12-15 carbs & around ,1000 cal's

This has been

a crazy weekend for me eating wise. I binged today badly!!! I am not even sure what I weigh tonight but, I am sure it is horrendous! I weighed 138 last Friday which was not too shabby. I am going to contribute it to PMS. I am not usually this ravenous. Well, I will let you know in the morning what my weight is and what my plan of action is.
Good Night

Today

is pretty dang awesome (so far) I went from 148 yesterday to 142 today! I knew it was possible! Lots of water weight, I think. So, that starts me off in a pretty good mood today. I mean, I am bummed that I even have to see 142 again but, I am going to try not to in the future. Dr. Phil had this diet on his show yesterday called the 17 day diet. I do low-carb so I am probably not going to try it but it sounds interesting.

Me at 135

And just a random "I love Him"

Courtesy of www.photobucket.com

Missy

www.photobucket.com

Ah Jessica

She is so amazing!
Courtesy of www.photobucket.com

Ha Ha Ha

And another thing...

that I have decided is to get healthier! No more whiskey & diet for lunch, and only a low-carb beer occasionally with friends. So, today is my first day without my w&d and it felt weird not to have. Sounds weird but I think it was just a habit to drink it. The fact that I was wanting it everyday makes me know that I was having a problem with that habit. Feels so good not having that in my life today. Lots more water and I am also giving up energy drinks, I was starting to really crave those too. After I have conquered these then I will move on to soda (diet pepsi) I have to have 1 thing that makes me happy. But, without the whiskey I am sure I will not be drinking as much soda. I also want to start eating more veggies and making my own healthy concoctions in my vita-mix.

Okay

So today I officially weighed 148, blech as I have been down to 135. So, I basically need to lose 13 lbs again and then start my new journey to lose 10 more lbs and get down to 125. The difference between this time and the other times I have gained weight is 1) I am not just giving up because I have been screwing up, and just continue to screw up. That would put me in a much darker place. 2) I know that I can do it! 3) I know what being skinnier feels like and I love it and want to be and stay there. So, I plan to be 135 by the end of the week so, Dec 5th. That gives me almost 1 full week to lose 10-13 lbs. A big order but, I am confident that I can do it. Then I am giving myself till Dec 24 to lose the other 10. I think it will be harder to lose that last 10. So positive that I can do it though! I have a meeting to go to on the 25th and I want to be a knockout! There are specific people that I want to flaunt to. Yes, I am a little vain...

Wish

That I had not binged today. I mean, I don't even want to talk about how much I ate, lets just say it was an obscene amount! I feel disgusting and let down with myself. Ugh well, all I can do now is begin again tomorrow!

Ate more

than I had wanted to today but, not as bad as I have been bingeing. I am happy I did not give into cake, cookies, chips etc etc...

My food

Fri, Nov 26 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Coffee (Filter) 474 5
Sugar Free French Vanilla - Liquid 8 8
Sugar Free Rockstar C 480 20
Michelob ULTRA 200 190
Egg, Whole - Cooked, Fried B- 92 180
Thick Sliced Bacon - Bacon D 26 139
Whiskey - 40% Volume 53 118
Pecans B- 14 97
Michelob ULTRA 100 95
Pecans B- 14 97
Breakfast
Mozzarella Part Skim C+ 28 70
Snacks
Tillamook 120
Jalapeno Cheddar dog 160
Jalapeno Cheddar dog 160
Jalapeno Cheddar dog 160
Total Calories Consumed 1,618

OMG

I did so amazing over the weekend (which is when I usually splurge) but, the last two days I have been eating for 2, 3, or 4 depending on what country I am in! I feel like a fat pig!!!!! I was up 5 lbs this morning and I know it is going to be even worse tomorrow.! But, I am getting my act together tomorrow! I am hoping I can be at a decent weight by Friday if I can get it together the rest of the week or at least by Saturday AM. I am literally a glutton right now, blech & MEH.

Today...

I weighed in at 135, yahoo!!! I am pretty sure my new goal is 125. Got to go to Costco and buy all of my staples. Cheese, bacon, diet pepsi etc etc. Got to have lunch with my super duper hubby and on the way to look for a puppy for our family... I totaled our lil' pickup truck! Oh, that was fun. Now I am having my favorite drink in my favorite cup and everything seems ok. Not the great end to a week but, what can I do? Accidents happen, I am just glad everyone was alright.

Marie Antoinette for gosh sake
Long ago, said “Let ‘em eat cake!”
Though it cost her dear head,
She refused to eat bread,
Which was served, by the by, at her wake!

— Larry Eisenberg

Bread is Bad

Humorous

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called “dough.” It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average North American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a “gateway” food item, leading the user to “harder” items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 240 degrees Celsius! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:

1. No sale of bread to minors
2. A nationwide “Just Say No To Toast” campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of “bread-free” zones around schools.

– Author unknown.

.

11/10/10 Intake

Wed, Nov 10 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Coffee (Filter) 5
Heavy Cream 45
Sugar Free Rockstar 20
Michelob ULTRA 95
Coffee (Filter) 6
Sugar Free French Vanilla - Liquid 15
Whiskey - 40% Volume 118
Lunch
Ground Beef 93/7 85
Tillamook cheese 25
American Singles - Sandwich Cheese 6
Dinner
Chicken Leg Quarters Poultry - County Post 200
Snacks
Tillamook cheese 110
Thick Sliced Bacon - Bacon 101
Total Calories Consumed 831
Total Carbs 3.7

I use...

www.calorie-count.com to keep track of all my cal's and if you use the analysis, you can track everything else including carbs.

for motivation I go to www.prettythin.com - - - love it!

Just Because

Yes

I have lost over 50 lbs eating bacon.

This is why I suck...

Because 3 days ago I binged like a banshee and felt so sick afterward. I did not b/p as I rarely do that anymore. I use the weight gain as my punishment. So, the next day I ate amazingly! Then yesterday my son had a glazed donut he only finished a little of and it called to me from it's little glazey surface and then... it was all downhill from there. Frito's, a zinger, walnuts, Jaeger bombs, candy bars. Ick, makes me sick to even type it. I did not gain as much weight as I had inticipated though, thank goodness. Or, maybe I should have to teach me a lesson. Today : Carbs under 10 & Calories around 750.

Me

Up to

139 today, ugh. Think I did not drink enough water and am retaining. Oh well, am still on the bandwagon today! Going to drink lotsa water today, keep my carbs under 15 and my cal's 1000 or under.

Tracy Anderson... Amazing!

So..

I am thinking of having a new goal weight. I think I want to be 125 lbs along with getting a rock hard body. I don't just want to be a slim 125, I want to be firm! Like Jillian Michaels. In fact, I think I am going to start working out today.

Good News!

Well, if you have ever followed any of this blog you would know that I started at a miserable 188 lbs! Where am I now? 135 lbs! That was my goal weight and I reached my goals by almost all the dates that I had set for myself. I did it all with Atkins. I am a very strict low-carber and it keeps me feeling energized, full and I can eat!
Below is my dates of when I started and how much weight I have lost in what span of time.

Date Weight Trend
2010-11-05 135.00 139.50
2010-11-01 146.00 139.36
2010-10-27 141.00 138.36
2010-10-22 143.00 137.96
2010-10-21 138.80 137.46
2010-10-14 134.40 137.42
2010-10-11 141.20 137.88
2010-10-08 138.20 137.71
2010-10-07 142.00 137.89
2010-09-24 134.40 137.79
2010-09-18 134.60 138.55
2010-08-20 136.00 139.47
2010-08-19 137.00 140.13
2010-08-14 138.00 140.83
2010-08-13 138.40 141.51
2010-08-08 139.00 142.27
2010-08-04 139.50 143.07
2010-08-03 140.00 143.86
2010-07-22 141.00 144.74
2010-07-16 142.00 145.54
2010-07-13 143.80 146.34
2010-07-11 142.60 147.06
2010-07-10 144.00 148.00
2010-07-08 144.80 149.10
2010-07-02 146.00 149.92
2010-07-01 147.00 150.72
2010-06-27 147.40 151.52
2010-06-26 148.80 152.38
2010-06-24 150.00 154.10
2010-06-16 151.00 155.00
2010-06-14 152.00 155.90
2010-06-11 155.00 156.90
2010-06-07 153.00 157.70
2010-06-04 154.00 158.80
2010-06-02 155.00 159.90
2010-05-30 156.00 161.20
2010-05-27 157.00 162.20
2010-05-23 158.00 163.30
2010-05-21 159.00 164.10
2010-05-19 160.00 164.90
2010-05-18 162.00 165.70
2010-05-14 163.00 166.30
2010-05-12 164.00 166.90
2010-05-10 165.00 167.40
2010-05-03 168.00 167.90
2010-05-02 166.00 168.20
2010-04-28 168.00 168.70
2010-04-24 166.00 169.10
2010-04-22 167.00 169.80
2010-04-21 168.00 170.54
2010-04-20 168.00 171.24
2010-04-19 169.00 172.04
2010-04-17 169.00 172.84
2010-04-16 170.00 173.44
2010-04-15 171.00 174.06
2010-04-14 171.00 174.96
2010-04-13 172.00 175.96
2010-04-12 173.00 177.56
2010-04-11 174.40 178.07
2010-04-10 175.00 178.53
2010-04-09 176.00 179.03
2010-04-08 177.00 179.53
2010-04-02 175.00 180.04
2010-04-01 176.20 181.30
2010-03-24 180.00 183.00
2010-03-22 181.00 184.50
2010-03-16 188.00 188.00

Sorry...

I know it has been almost 4 months since my last post. Guess, I am a crappy blogger... But, I am back! I mean it, I am here. This is too therapeutic to stop. And I know how much I hate it when I go visit a blog and it is always the same because they have not posted anything new! So, yeah back!

Aaaaaaahhhhhh

It has been nearly a month since my last entry and I am so sorry about that. I have no excuses but, I know how annoying it is to go to a blog for comfort, motivation, etc and see the same thing over and over! I really do apologize.
Where am I at? Well, I have lost 45 lbs since beginning of March and I now weigh 143
In that way I have been doing fine but, I need to exercise so badly and can't seem to find the motivation. I gotta get it though, so that I do not end up skinny/fat

OMG

I have not been on in soooo long, sorry, sorry, sorry. I have been busy on and off with my mother-in-law and really focusing on my eating goals and guess what? I have lost 37 lbs!!! Yep, doing low-carb and roughly 1000 cal's a day. I am ecstatic, as it is really paying off, I weigh 151 right now. I can't wait till I hit the 140's! That has not happened in around 10 yrs! Can you tell I am enthused?

966 cals today

Oh, I broke the barrier and I was 159 this morning! I am pretty excited about that as I have not seen the 150's in a long long time. I am cooking up my masses of bacon tonight. 5 lbs! I keep it handy in the fridge and then I can just heat up in 20 seconds. Yeah, I am a bacon fiend.

Hoooooray!

I am down 2 lbs to 160! I can't believe it, I am so happy!!! I am just a hair from the 150's!!!!! Sorry to really rant but I am just super psyched. Makes me want to keep up with my workout too!

Ate

really well today. You know what was crazy, is I decided to weigh in the middle of the day and it was 161, less than the morning. I am hoping that number will ring tue tomorrow. And...... drum roll..... I worked out today! Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. My goal is to do it for 30 days, that will bring me to June 13th and just a week away from my goal date. I know I can't just rest on my diet for forever, then I will be thinner and flabby. I wanna be strong and more fit. I want my lil' baby pooch to go away! I am very proud of myself for working out, I hate it but I know I have t change my way of life and that includes getting moving! I can do it!

OMG

I have not posted in soooo long. I am sorry, I have had my mother-in-law at my house for a week. My main computer is in the guest room and she was in here laying down a lot so, I did not have a chance to really get on the computer. But, she is back at her other kids house. It may sound like a bad time but, her and I get along great. So, in the meantime I have lost 26 lbs all together and am down to 162. Only 4 more pounds till my next goal and until I have lost 30 lbs! Seems amazing that I have even come this far and I can tell you that I NEVER want to go back through this struggle again, it can be hard. So, before I was sick of seeing my weight in the 170's well, now I am good and ready to be rid of the 160's once and for all. I am looking forward to the 150's. What has really suprised me is in the past I always seem to sabotage my weight loss. I have not been doing this and have been very consistent. I am proud of myself.

5/10/2010 FOOD LOG

Mon, May 10 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Rockstar Recovery 20
Diet Wild Cherry 360 0
Chicken, Breast, Meat Only - Cooked, Roasted B 34 56
Original Iced Tea Unsweetened 448 0
Breakfast
Egg, Whole - Cooked, Omelet B- 122 192
Thick Sliced Bacon - Bacon D 19 101
Lunch
Classic Iceberg Salad - Packaged Salads, Fresh Favorites A 198 35
Tomatoes, Red, Ripe - Raw, Year Round Average A 27 5
Salmon 90
Traditional Feta Crumbled D+ 37 98
Ranch Dressing C- 15 77
Dinner
Chicken, Breast, Meat Only - Cooked, Roasted B 172 284
cauliflower & broccoli 30
Total Calories Consumed 987
Total Carbs 19.1

Aaaaaaaaah!

My go-to website for support and info is not updating!!!! prettythin.com
I am feeling a little lost without it.

Life is good today

I think it is. It feels good. I think I am gonna chill out today and play with my boy and watch movies. It is drizzly out and it is a stay at home and feel snuggly day. Still gonna eat good though!

I ate

really good yesterday (656 cals) and today and I was back down to 166 this morning!!! I was happy about that and was on kind of a high from it all day!

5/9/10 FOOD LOG

Sun, May 09 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Breakfast
Egg, Whole - Cooked, Omelet B- 61 96
Thick Sliced Bacon - Bacon D 15 80
Lunch
Egg, Whole - Cooked, Hard-boiled B 50 78
Classic Iceberg Salad - Packaged Salads, Fresh Favorites A 283 50
Buttermilk Ranch - Original Dressings & Dips 15 60
Dinner
Broccoli and Cauliflower 100
Chicken Breast Fillets Boneless Skinless - with Rib Meat Poultry C+ 134 144
Snacks
Tuna, Light, Canned In Water - Without Salt, Drained Solids B+ 92 107
Real Mayonnaise 13 90
Dill Relish - Heinz 15 0
Total Calories Consumed 804
Total Carbs 24

Yesterday...

I was doing pretty fab, I had only had 519 calories all day! Then came a dinner party. I knew it was happening but we had ribs (I smoked them all day) which are low carb and we were having salad and I was going to avoid the bread and maybe have a few baked beans. Well, I had about a half a rack of ribs, beans, bread, salad and my friend brought over this thing called oooey gooey cake, I had 2 pieces! Ugh, I am so weak sometimes!!! So here I am 2 lbs heavier, bloated and irritated.
Today!.... It is strictly 500 calories, low carb. I have to get back on track! I have been off course for about a week and it has cost me 9 lbs!!! Crazyness!!

5/7/10 FOOD LOG

Fri, May 07 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Breakfast
Thick Sliced Bacon - Bacon D 23 123
Egg, Whole - Cooked, Omelet B- 61 96
Egg, Whole - Cooked, Omelet B- 61 96
Lunch
Lettuce, Cos Or Romaine - Raw A 10 2
Cooked Ham - Bryan 28 40
Cooked Ham - Bryan 28 40
American Singles - Sandwich Cheese C- 19 60
Tomatoes, Red, Ripe - Raw, June Thru October Average A 30 6
Dinner
Baby Back Ribs - Half Rack 167 433
Garlic Slices Bread 108 419
Classic Iceberg Salad - Packaged Salads, Fresh Favorites A 142 25
Hidden Valley The Original Ranch Dressing (1) - Salads & More 57 200
Cake, Yellow, Commercially Prepared - With Vanilla Frosting C- 128 477
Original Baked Beans - Baked Beans B 130 140
Snacks
Chicken Nuggets Bagged - Fully Cooked Chicken Products 18 55
Total Calories Consumed 2,212
Total Carbs 219

Feel poopy today...

Have a sore throat and sinus congestion. And it's not that bad but, you know how you just feel like heck when you're like that? Maybe I will not feel like eating today, here's to hoping!

Love this, gives me hope!

Tomorrow's plan

Well, since I have gone off the low-carb the last few days and have been eating normal, my appetite has been voracious and my cravings intense. I need to get back to the basics I was doing low-carb/low-cal so I can function and be in control again.

Really thought

that I had screwed up today. I mean I did a little, I wanted my max to be 1000 calories but, I did 1254. But, I thought I was at maybe 2000+ calories so I feel better about that part.

5/6/10 FOOD LOG

Thu, May 06 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Bud Light Beer 177 55
Breakfast
Iced Coffee with Sugar Free Vanilla Syrup B- 85 85
Lunch
Pork, Cured, Bacon - Cooked, Broiled, Pan-fried Or Roasted D 19 103
Tomatoes, Red, Ripe - Raw, Year Round Average A 27 5
Lettuce, Iceberg - (Includes Crisphead Types), Raw A 8 1
Bread, White, Commercially Prepared - (Includes Soft Bread Crumbs) A- 50 133
Caesar Salad - Salads 448 160
Thin Crinkle Fries - 5/16" C+ 113 160
Chicken Strips - Chicken Strips D+ 53 167
Sweet Potato - Julienne Fries B+ 20 35
Snacks
Cookies C+ 28 120
Whole Milk B+ 288 180
Chewy Chocolate Chip Granola Bars - Sunbelt D+ 11 51
Total Calories Consumed 1,254

Raaaaaar!

Yesterday, I started out wonderful! Some All Bran Strawberry Medley with just a lil milk and fresh strawberries on top. Then I go mow my sis-in-law's yard (still going good) Then she invites me to lunch, that was my downfall! I had a taco salad, not bad right? But, I ate the shell, then I had chips & salsa, chips & white queso and maragarita's (had a pitcher) I went home and decided to have a beer (no idea why) All that and I was stuffed. After the beer I felt like crap, not from drinking but a sore throat, stuffy nose and horrific headache. I have no idea if any of it had to do with eating or drinking. All I know is that today I feel like I have a cold and according to the scale this morning, gained 3 lbs. It is my own fault! Why did I have to eat so much and why did I drink? I get so freaking irritated at myself! But, what can I do now? Wallow that I am fat and weak and just gain more??? No, it is a new beginning this morning and I am making it a goal not to let myself down today. Okay, I just needed to get all that out! Thank you.
Today = 500 to 1000 cals max!

Feeling

fat, frustrated, hungry, defeated, lame, and ... um fat!!!

Morning all

Well, yesterday I ate 1585 calories, way over what I wanted to eat. But, I quit eating for the day around 3:30 and I did not gain a pound! So, that was cool, at least I do not have to deal with working on getting that back off on top of what I have left to lose.

I am a loser

Yes, another day is upon me and I feel like a loser again. Not the kind that is the loser of weight, I have no broblem being that kind of loser. The loser I am talking about is someone who cannot control their mouth. Not speech but, the consumption of all the vile nonsense that makes her the biggest gainer. I don't know why this fight between my mind and my mouth has to go on! Can't we all just get along? Can't my mind stop taking over and shmoozing my mouth into thinking that this is okay? A few chips here and a couple cookies here. Yeah, they are enemies and my body is the result of their bitter feud. I am like the child caught in the middle. Only my body and myself suffer.

Aaaaaah!

Last night I was doing wonderful, had 738 cals all day and then I made dinner for my hubby when he came home from work around 8:30 pm. I made whole wheat pasta with vodka sauce, and sourdough bread. It sounded so good, so I had a little and that just made me hungrier so I had a little more. I also had a little sourdough bread with butter. All together I had around 1639 calories! I was in that "I wanna lose weight but, I also want to feel like I can live a normal life and have dinner with my hubby" Well, newsflash! Nothing when it comes to food or how I feel when I eat is normal. I felt super guilty last night and my belly felt huge! Today I think I will be up in weight and so now I am really frustrated! But, what can I do now? Well, I can fall off the wagon, keep eating like hell and get even bigger or I can get right back on to my plan of 500 to 1000 calories and make today a better day! I think the latter sounds much more brilliant, why keep the pain going? Nip it in the bud and be strong and change damnit! Why am I so lame that I have to give into spaghetti? Last time I looked it was not stronger than me! Today... no beer, lots of water, and no sweets. Yeah, good plan

2-Day

my goal was 750 calories. I have done well, 738. That is my day complete! I have to tell myself that because I want to say hopefully but, if I say that then there is room for cheating. It is exactly 6:30 an that is my cut-off. It is water and calorie-free drinks the rest of the night! Yes I can!!!

5/3/10 FOOD LOG

Mon, May 03 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Zero Carb Rockstar C+ 240 10
Bud Light Beer 355 110
Drink Mix Sugar Free Iced Tea With Peach 1 0
Breakfast
Bananas A 68 61
Lunch
Tortilla Chips - Scoops C 28 140
Picante Hot Sauce - Pace F 30 10
Dinner
shrimp 80
Asparagus Stir Fry A 91 25
Cut Broccoli A 87 30
Snacks
Peanut Chocolate Chip B- 30 140
Strawberries A 24 8
Lightly Salted Rice Cakes 18 70
Lightly Salted Rice Cakes 9 35
Ginger snap 20
Total Calories Consumed 738

As you can see...

today was not the best day on eating but, also not my worst. No more 3,000+ calorie days, in fact the rest of this week I am keeping it above 500 but below 1000. Sounds like a good range to me. Geez, what would I do without all these little rules for myself. Get bored and defeated, I think.

5/2/10 FOOD LOG

Sun, May 02 2010Day Incomplete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Sugar Free Rockstar C 480 20
Breakfast
Zesta Whole Grain Wheat Saltine Crackers B- 18 72
Kirkland, Maple Bacon 42 210
Belgian Waffle Mix B 78 219
Dinner
Mission Foods, Mission Flour Tortillas, Soft Taco, 8 Inch C- 77 221
Beef, Ground, 95% Lean Meat / 5% Fat, Crumbles - Cooked, Pan-browned B 85 164
Tillamook Cheddar D+ 56 240
Sour Cream B 30 50
Tomato Roma - 3 med. Raw A 186 40
Hot Chili Sauce - Sriracha 5 5
Snacks
Original Corn Chips C- 9 51
Zingers Raspberry D 43 162
Boulevard wheat 155
Kirkland, Maple Bacon 7 35
Total Calories Consumed 1,645
Total Carbs 191

Last night was weird

I made my hubby and myself a long island iced tea. I got sick! I can't believe it made me sick, never has before! Well, previously I indulged in some tortilla chips and guac, needless to say I got sick and puked all of that up. This morning I was back down to 166!!! I was amazed and thrilled! Weird day, I can tell you that. Today, I am in the mood to eat! I am going to try and not go over 1200 calories. That is my plan anyways. I am at 890 right now without having dinner. I am pretty sure I can do it if I do not get crazy and just snack a lot.

My day

today was great compared to the fiasco I created for myself yesterday! I hope it reflects on the scale tomorrow but, I am not holding my breathe as I am sure the repercussion's from yesterday are still headed my way. But, my eating today just shows me that I can do it! I know I can do it.

4/30/10 FOOD

Fri, Apr 30 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Lipton Diet Green Tea with Citrus 480 0
Diet Coke - regular size 100 0
Breakfast
Egg, Whole - Cooked, Omelet B- 107 168
Lunch
Cooked Ham - Bryan 28 40
Kosher Dill Spears Pickles 56 10
Classic Yellow - Mustard 100 0
Slices American Slices - Twin PK 32 ct C- 18 60
Snacks
Lettuce, Cos Or Romaine - Raw A 28 5
Lettuce, Cos Or Romaine - Raw A 10 2
Cooked Ham - Bryan 28 40
Ground Beef 210
Slices American Slices - Twin PK 32 ct C- 18 60
Total Calories Consumed 595
Total Carbs 11.3

I wish

that yesterday had never happened! I have never really had a binge before.
Ok, this is what happened, doing great took my sis in law to lunch and chose to have a grilled BBQ salad at Chili's because I am trying to do low carb and make healthy choices. Went to the movies and did not have popcorn. Came home and calculated my 1 salad and it was 1060 calories and 50 carbs! I was pissed, it's like i try so hard to make good choices and it bites me in the ass! So, I went off and pretty much ate exactly what I felt like and you can see the results below. It was horrible and I feel horrible!!! My tummy is telling me this morning that it is not happy with me. I am not happy with me either! But, I am not just going to keep eating and eating and balloon up. I am 2 lbs heavier this morning 170, and truthfully I expected worse. Maybe it will be worse tomorrow I don't know. But, today is going to be around a 500 calorie day. I have to, I have to nip this crap in the bud and get my life back!

4/29/10 FOOD

Thu, Apr 29 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Bud Light Beer 710 220
Whiskey - 40% Volume 25 56
Red Hot - Snack Products C 28 140
Lunch
Chili's grilled BBQ Chicken salad 1,060
Dinner
Whopper With Cheese - Flame-Broiled Burgers D+ 315 760
French Fries, Large (Salted) - Side Orders D+ 160 500
Snacks
Cupcakes Chocolate C- 50 180
Chunky Snack Size 78 400
Tortilla Chips B- 28 137
Tillamook Cheddar D+ 84 360
Chili's Kids Pizza 170
Total Calories Consumed 3,983
Total Carbs 303

Going back to bed for a bit...

sometimes when I get up again, I am down a pound or so. I am hoping that will be the case today so that I do not feel so lame.

I am getting...

a bit frustrated. This morning I am up by 1 pound! What the deuce am I doing wrong? So, I am at 169, which was my first goal weight. I am never going to make my goal by summer if the scale decides to go up instead! But, I have a sneaking suspicion what the culprit may be! Alcohol! The atkins web says alcohol may slow down weight-loss. My plan: If alcohol is going to inhibit my weight-loss then out it goes, I don't need the dang stuff! I am sure I will give in once in a while but as a rule now I am going to keep away. Also last night my hubby did not get home till late and I had made him a steak, and I nibbled on it at around 9 p.m., way too late! It was very good and low-carb but, way too late!

Freaking cute

photobucket.com

For some reason...

Girls in Jeans inspire me.

54 Days left till summer!

So, I need to lose right around 3 lbs per week to get to my goal weight of 145 by June 20, 2010. Can it be done? I think it can on low-carb and watching my calorie intake! I have been feeling really weak food-wise today. Although, I have not given in... for some reason I still feel bad about myself. Today I feel like I have lost 20 lbs and have barely made a dent in my fat body which is sad. It makes this task seem much more daunting. But, I am not going to give up! Where does giving up get me? Back to my old fatter self, low self-esteem and much self-hatred. I don't want that. I would rather be miserable and thinner than miserable and not trying at all.

Rant

1. I want a Kit Kat so badly right now. They are just sitting there in the living room! (Not gonna though)
2. I have been really hungry today and I hope eating around 1200 calories is not gonna screw me up!
3. Heidi Montag's face does look super weird. I just saw it for the 1st time today on The Hills. I mean her body looks cool but, I like her old face.
4. Olivia on The City is such a ridiculous non-hardworking socialite with no skills! I could do the job at Elle!
5. I have a headache.

I...

upped my calories today to see if that would boost my weight loss! Sounds counter-productive but, I do not think I have been eating enough calories. I really should not go under 1000.

4/28/10 FOOD

Wed, Apr 28 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Whiskey - 40% Volume 53 118
Michelob ULTRA 100 95
Michelob ULTRA 100 95
Breakfast
Coffee (Filter) 474 5
Sugar Free French Vanilla - Liquid 30 30
Egg, Whole - Cooked, Omelet B- 104 163
Wieners Beef Franks D- 34 111
Dinner
Lettuce, Cos Or Romaine - Raw A 28 5
American Singles - Sandwich Cheese C- 19 60
Cooked Ham - Bryan 28 40
Snacks
Pork Rinds - Other Snacks 14 90
Wieners Beef Franks D- 45 147
Pork Rinds - Other Snacks 25 161
Total Calories Consumed 1,120
Total Carbs 13.7

4/27/10 FOOD

Tue, Apr 27 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Michelob ULTRA 100 95
Breakfast
Coffee (Filter) 237 2
Sugar Free French Vanilla - Liquid 15 15
Egg, Whole - Cooked, Omelet B- 153 240
Kirkland, Maple Bacon 22 110
Lunch
Asparagus Stir Fry A 91 25
Chicken, Breast, Meat Only - Cooked, Roasted B 120 198
Snacks
Original Pork Rinds D- 20 114
Total Calories Consumed 800
Total Carbs 10.2

Dam

I finally weighed in this morning and... I was 2 lbs heavier than the last time I weighed in which was last Saturday! Ugh, I am back to 168 which I know is really nothing and I have still lost weight. I just had my heart set on the same weight or 1 pound lighter. Oh well, it just goes to show you what a weekend of completely slacking off can do and it is not worth it! It is 3 days later and I am still feeling the effects! Well, no more! But, I am not going to give up! I do not want to get back up in weight and that is exactly what will happen if I give up. I only ate 800 cals yesterday. I think I will bump it up to around 1000 today.

Cute Swimmie

victoriassecret.com

55 Days to go till Summer!!!

That is only 7.85 Weeks, 1320 Hours ticking away minute by minute. Wouldn't it be cool if our weight ticked away like time? Like, if every minute you were a few ounces lighter? I guess it is kinda like that but, I wish it was more predictable like time. It would be amazing if you could count on being lighter.

Rachel McAdams

Gwen Stefani

I know everyone is all into GAGA and I love her but,

Gwen is so awesome!

I really, really

want to weigh today! But, I told myself that I would not weigh until Wednesday morning, so that is only one more day. I have to be strong! I can do this. Anyway's it means I could have a big loss on the scale so, this way I will have a great morning tomorrow, I hope. There is always that chance that it is going to suck but, I do not find this likely.

Must have a lil' thinspo

Courtesy of Photobucket

4/26/10 FOOD

Mon, Apr 26 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Michelob ULTRA 100 95
Michelob ULTRA 100 95
Breakfast
Coffee (Filter) 474 5
Sugar Free French Vanilla - Liquid 30 30
Lunch
Beef Franks - Oscar Mayer Hot Dogs 45 140
Egg, Whole - Cooked, Omelet B- 61 96
Lettuce, Cos Or Romaine - Raw A 28 5
Singles American Slices - 12 ct C- 19 60
Classic Yellow - Mustard 100 0
Cooked Ham - Bryan 28 40
Roma Tomatoes - Salad Bar 100 10
Dinner
Shrimp 205
Asparagus Stir Fry A 182 50
Total Calories Consumed 831
Total Carbs 23

Beer

Yep, I am having a low-carb one right now but, it tastes good and I have not eaten that much today. I am proud of myself for starting right back up today. I was afraid I would be hungry after eating way over my normal range but, I am not. I am suprised and thankful about that. I have kind of put the weekend out of my mind and am just picking up where I left off. This is so unusual for me, I usually get way down on myself and give up. Could this be a change of behavior? I hope so! Change is hard but, I love when I can see changes develop. I wonder if it is change due to my eating habits or due to maturing with age? Who cares right?

56 more days till Summer!!!

Ugh, looking at that I am really afraid to weigh after this last weekend! But, right back on the horse and now I feel like I can withstand that temptation again because I did not feel good and... The repercussion's last for days! No More!!!

Okay...

so this past weekend was a bust when it came to eating. I did great on Friday and 1/2 of Saturday, then I had a friend come over and bring beer (no biggie) then she wanted to go eat (which did sound good) I did not have a an intention of eating very badly but a Margarita sounded sooooo good. I got one of those, and then I was like "what the heck, I want to live a little" I had a sample tray of Mozzarella sticks, boneless buffalo wings, criss cut fries, and chicken quesadilla's. I shared them with my child but, I went home and tried to add up all my calories and carbs and I stopped at 2600 calories and 260 carbs! Can you believe that? I was mortified to see that many cal's & carbs in print. Um, eating like that is not living!!! I am bloated and my stomach hurts. My friend (whom is very overweight) said "oh, just reward yourself with this", I said "I don't reward myself with food"
So, I have felt guilty, because I also ate badly the next day with my husband. I only ate once, but it was a lot of carbs. But, I am back today! I am not weighing myself till Wednesday. I am feeling frustrated at myself and I think if I weigh I will get even more down at myself right now, and it may work the wrong way for me. I don't want to give up! And, not weighing in for the next couple days makes me feel not as obsessed with weighing as I was feeling. So, I cross my fingers for Wednesday.

Tonight

I thought I would live a little and have some of my old food. I ate some Chicken quesadilla, mozzarella sticks, criss cutt fries, boneless buffalo wings & a margarita. I admit, it did taste good at the time but now I am sitting here and feeling bloated and full. I thought I wanted it but, now I know that I do not need that crap.

Damage... It is

I ate quite a bit tonight. It was by choice. I am going to get right back on the bandwagon tonorrow! I wanna see what this does to my metabolism.

Sat, Apr 24 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Breakfast
Sugar Free French Vanilla - Liquid 30 30
Coffee (Filter) 474 5
Egg, Whole - Cooked, Scrambled C+ 153 256
Lunch
shrimp 154
Asparagus Stir Fry A 109 30
Butter - With Salt F 5 36
Dinner
Boneless Buffalo Wings appetizer - (without dressing) 200 332
CrissCut Fries - LW Private Reserve B- 200 320
Mozzarella Sticks C- 112 355
Chicken Quesadilla appetizer 100 225
Margarita - Drinks A 510 750
Snacks
Original Pork Rinds 14 74
Total Calories Consumed 2,566
Total Carb 259

Down today...

A pound that is!!! Yahoooo, guess I have not hit my plateau yet! Thank Goodness.
166 Now

58 Days Till summer!

No pic's right now but, aren't the days left motivating enough?

Today...

Fri, Apr 23 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Michelob ULTRA 100 95
Michelob ULTRA 100 95
Michelob ULTRA 100 95
Michelob ULTRA 100 95
Breakfast
Sugar Free Rockstar C 480 20
Lunch
Beef, Flank - Separable Lean Only, Trimmed To 0" Fat, Choice, Cooked, Broiled B- 85 165
Cream, Sour, Cultured C- 36 77
Guacomole - Sandwich Fillings 30 60
Salad, Vegetable, Tossed - Without Dressing A 207 33
Taco Salad Shell C 15 71
Snacks
Kosher Dill Spears Pickles 56 10
Kosher Dill Spears Pickles 56 10
Total Calories Consumed 826
Total Carbs 32 (lil over)

59.5 Days Until Bikini Season!

Can you believe it is that close??? Ugh, I really hope I make it to my goals! I am dedicated right now, that is for sure.
Dedicated to these swimsuit's. Courtesy of www.victoriassecret.com

Did great!

Down another pound to 167, that is a 21 lb weight loss!

Here is what I did today...

Thu, Apr 22 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Whiskey - 40% Volume 53 118
Bud Light Beer 355 110
Breakfast
Coffee (Filter) 237 2
Sugar Free French Vanilla - Liquid 30 30
Lunch
Lettuce, Cos Or Romaine - Raw A 28 5
Classic Yellow - Mustard 100 0
American Singles - Sandwich Cheese C- 19 60
Cooked Ham - Bryan 28 40
Roma Tomatoes - Salad Bar 100 10
Kirkland, Maple Bacon 7 35
Kirkland, Maple Bacon 7 35
ground beef 258
Hot Chili Sauce - Sriracha 5 5
Dinner
Asparagus Stir Fry A 91 25
Shrimp 154
Total Calories Consumed 887
Total carbs 21

61 days left!!! This is all I have to say

Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here! Almost here!

BTW

I stayed the same weight today. Amazing when you are on your period!

Bad but, fun

Dinner was 2 Bud Lights, and mmmm it tasted so good and I was not really hungry. What? I was not hungry! What is happening with me?

Today's Intake

Wed, Apr 21 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Coffee (Filter) 474 5
Sugar Free French Vanilla - Liquid 30 30
Pork Rinds - Other Snacks 14 90
Whiskey - 40% Volume 50 111
Diet 360 0
Bud Light Beer 355 110
Bud Light Beer 355 110
Lunch
Chicken, Breast, Meat Only - Cooked, Roasted B 86 142
Snacks
Kosher Dill Spears Pickles 56 10
Kosher Dill Spears Pickles 56 10
ground beef 43
ground beef 43
ground beef 43
ground beef 43
ground beef 43
ground beef 43
Total Calories Consumed 873
Total Carbs 19.2

61.5 days left till summer!!!

I tried a pair of shorts on yesterday and they fit!!! They are these really cute Volcom vintagey looking shorts. I bought the cutest pair of sandals to reward myself for hitting my 1st goal. And I have lost 20 lbs as of today!(168) Feels so good, I would sound more ecstatic but I am on the dot today, and feel a little bloated. But, being able to lose weight and start is a miracle in itself. I am hoping that means when I am done I will drop a few pounds at once. Here's to hoping!

So, what's weird

is in my mind, I was thinking of eating 1200 calories today to kind of rev up my metabolism so I can continue to lose weight. I couldn't even get there, I was too full. I felt hungry for dinner and then I started to eat a grilled piece of chicken and did not even eat half. I ate a scoop of broccoli and that's it. I couldn't even eat anymore. So, I was thinking that maybe I am shrinking my stomach a little, if it does indeed shrink. The thought makes me smile... :)

Tue, Apr 20 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Premium Chunk Light Tuna In Water C+ 95 102
Real Mayonnaise 13 90
Dill Relish - Mt. Olive 15 0
Sharp Cheddar Cheese Snack Sticks D 21 90
Egg Salad - Kosher Specialties D 5 11
Lunch
Panera Bread Greek Salad 380
Dinner
Kirkland, Maple Bacon 4 20
Chicken, Breast, Meat Only - Cooked, Roasted B 86 142
Broccoli - Cooked, Boiled, Drained, Without Salt A 280 98
Egg Salad - Kosher Specialties D 46 104
Total Calories Consumed 1,037
Total Carb 35

Revamped Goals List

GW1: 169 Cute pair of flip-flops ACHIEVED! Cute sandals.
GW2: 158 New pair of sunglasses
GW3: 146 Cute Purse
GW4: 135 Victoria's Secret Swimsuit

T.K.O Totally kelly Osbourne

I think she look so cute!

To remind myself

of my goals- - -
GW1: 169 Cute pair of flip-flops ACHIEVED! Cute sandals.
GW2: 158 New pair of sunglasses
GW3: 146 New Beach Towel
GW4: 135 Victoria's Secret Swimsuit

Today's Damage

Mon, Apr 19 2010Day Incomplete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Whiskey - 40% Volume 53 118
Breakfast
Kirkland, Maple Bacon 7 35
Egg, Whole - Cooked, Scrambled C+ 122 204
Lunch
shrimp 208
Sugar Snap Peas Stir Fry A 77 30
Dinner
Beef, Ground, 95% Lean Meat / 5% Fat, Crumbles - Cooked, Pan-browned B 179 346
American Singles - Sandwich Cheese C- 19 60
Cream, Sour, Cultured C- 14 30
Total Calories Consumed 1,030
Total Carbs 8.8

Ate well today. I hope it reflects tomorrow!!!

Is it too late to apologize

for not posting yesterday? Oh well, we spent the day together as a family and I ate like crap but, I did stay in my cal range. Went a bit higher on the carbs but, I stayed the same weight today so, I can't be too sad about that. 63 days left till summer!!! Here is my food log from yesterday
Sun, Apr 18 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Breakfast
Kirkland, Maple Bacon 32 160
Lunch
Grilled Chicken Wrap - Wraps C 247 380
Hot Dogs Cheese Dogs The Cheesiest D- 113 352
Sugar Free Rockstar C 480 20
Snacks
Sharp Cheddar Cheese Snack Sticks D 42 180
Total Calories Consumed 1,092
Total Carbs 49

65 days till the hot season!!!

Yes, only 65 days till summer! Can you hack it? This is the first year in a long time I plan on NOT being disappointed with myself!

Here is

today's food log
Sat, Apr 17 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Michelob ULTRA 100 95
Whiskey - 40% Volume 50 111
Whiskey - 40% Volume 25 56
Breakfast
Kirkland, Maple Bacon 32 160
Sharp Cheddar Cheese Snack Sticks D 19 81
Lunch
Texas Roadhouse Salad 410
Dinner
Sharp Cheddar Cheese Snack Sticks D 19 81
Total Calories Consumed 994
Total Carbs 18.9

I probably had too much alcohol but it's saturday and I still stayed within my range.
Kudos to me!

Hola

This morning I realised I forgot to post my food intake from yesterday, I tried to then and my computer was being very slow. I was too impatient to wait.

Fri, Apr 16 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Coffee (Filter) 474 5
Sugar Free French Vanilla - Liquid 30 30
Whiskey - Scotch, 40% Volume 55 122
Breakfast
Egg, Scrambled B- 75 159
Lunch
shrimp 154
Asparagus Stir Fry A 91 25
Butter - With Salt F 5 36
Dinner
salad 15
Salad Spritzers Caesar Delight with Olive Oil Vinaigrette Dressing 24 30
Fancy Shredded Fiesta Blend Cheese D 28 110
Chicken Broth 100 10
Beef, Top Loin - Separable Lean And Fat, Trimmed To 0" Fat, Select, Cooked, Broiled B 28 50
Snacks
Sharp Cheddar Cheese Snack Sticks D 21 90
Total Calories Consumed 836
Total Carb 16.1

Feeling

low today. I don't think it has anything to do with weight. I am a stay at home mom with my 2 yr old child, and he is the only person I have to talk to all day and my hubby works long hours. I have a few good friends but, they have lives... Ugh I am lonely

66 Days till Summer!!!

Okay, that is motivating!!!

Down to 170

1 more pound. I should be more excited than I am. I think its because I was hoping to be 169. But the good news is that if I do it tomorrow it is Saturday and I can go shopping for my first goal weight reward of new sandals! That excites me a little. It may also be that it is raining today.

Okay,

so I have a really good feeling about tomorrow, weight wise. I think I will be down at least 1 if not 2 lbs. I am going to get some exercise in tonight, playing with my son and doing some crunches. That is the plan anyway's. I will let you know if that was cultivated or not, lol.

Plus, watch Fringe (YAY)

Done!

Okay, I am done eating for the day. Here is a log of today's food. I did pretty darn good, 970 cal's and I rounded up on a few things so, I feel good about it.

Thu, Apr 15 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Coffee (Filter) 474 5
Sugar Free French Vanilla - Liquid 15 15
Lunch
Bacon Ranch Salad with Grilled Chicken C+ 320 260
Newman's Own Ranch Dressing 30 86
Asparagus Stir Fry A 91 25
Butter - With Salt F 5 36
Shrimp 154
Dinner
Salad, Vegetable, Tossed - Without Dressing A 207 33
Salmon, Atlantic, Wild - Cooked, Dry Heat A- 85 155
Hidden Valley Ranch 2 tbsp 120
Snacks
Sharp Cheddar Cheese Snack Sticks D 19 81
Total Calories Consumed 970
Total Carbs 29

Oh Fab

Courtesy of photobucket.com

I love pics of girls in Jeans

Feeling good but, ...

I don't know. I am eating really good today and am still motivated but, I am at a point today where I contemplate how much I really have to lose. I was laying out in the sun in a bikini (privately) and I look down and just see all the pudge and get frustrated. But writing here helps. I know that I need to be excited about what I have done and not what I haven't done. I do need to focus on the positive, this pudge will eventually come off if I am diligent, and I am. I am going to continue with this for as long as it takes, even if it is longer than the timeline in my head.

Eating...

the same lunch as I had yesterday. Shrimp & Asparagus stir-fry. 200 calories because I sauteed in butter. I am determined that I am going to lose again. I know it. I am not going to eat past 6:30 tonight and I am staying around 900 cals. I cross my fingers-

I was right...

I was not down a pound this morning. I was exactly the same. I am a little bummed. I know I shouldn't be but, I am. I just love my happy mornings that are just mine. Then I start telling myself what I should and should not have done yesterday. Like eat 1000 cal's and not 1200. I really doubt that would have made much of a difference. Oh well, I know I am doing well and am even more motivated to keep going. Because if I did not lose today then maybe tomorrow will be amazing! So, since I did 1200 cal's yesterday, my goal is to keep it around 900 today and of course low carb. It is going to be a happy day no matter what!

I am feeling a little lonely tonight...

Why? I have no idea, my family is all asleep. I feel like I am all alone in my weight loss endeavor - even though I am doing this for me. If I talk to my friends about what I am doing they seem to get defensive because they might feel guilty or something? That is really not my intention. Then, if you tell people how you are doing it they say, that is not healthy or that is too much weight to lose, don't set your goals too high. The only person that really tells me that I can do it, is my hubby. He tells me I can do whatever I put my mind to. And he is right but, I think he gets sick of it being on my mind all the time and me talking about it so much. I need a weight loss friend for support and who I can support. I put an ad on craigslist (silly?) Maybe but, hopefully someone will want to chat or text or something.

My day

is finished. I ate pretty good today. I intentionally kept my calories around 1200 so that I can doop my body and make sure it does not go into starvation mode. 900 & under is considered starvation. I also can easily get caught up in eating less and less calories and I don't want my metabolism to slow. I just want it to work for me. So, we will see what the result is tomorrow. I do not have good vibes about it but, hopefully if I do not lose anymore tomorrow that the next few days could make up for it. I am not going to be sad. I can't get used to losing a pound a day anyways, it is not always going to happen, right?
Here is my food log:
Wed, Apr 14 2010 Day Complete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Whiskey - 40% Volume 50 111
Butter - With Salt F 10 72
Diet 1,080 0
Breakfast
Coffee (Filter) 474 5
Sugar Free French Vanilla - Liquid 45 45
Egg, Scrambled B- 141 299
Fancy Shredded Fiesta Blend Cheese D 22 86
Lunch
Shrimp 154
Asparagus Stir Fry A 91 25
Dinner
Chicken, Breast, Meat Only - Cooked, Roasted B 105 173
Chicken, Thigh, Meat Only - Cooked, Roasted B- 35 73
Cut Broccoli A 174 60
Fancy Shredded Fiesta Blend Cheese D 10 39
Snacks
Sharp Cheddar Cheese Snack Sticks D 21 90
Total Calories Consumed 1,233
Total Carbs 19.1

I had...

The most amazing lunch today. (I like seafood) I took 6 oz of frozen shrimp 154 cals and 1 cup of frozen asparagus stir-fry. 25 calories/4 carbs and I cooked them with a little butter and garlic/salt & pepper. It tasted so good! And only 179 calories total! I was excited about my lunch choice. I need more quality food with less carbs and calories. I am just going day by day and slowly I am making better choices.
It feels good

It paid off

Down another pound this morning. 171, I am almost out of the 170's which I am ecstatic about. Just takes time I guess but, as much as I have been losing I can't complain for sure. I am a little worried about the plateau that I am inevitably going to hit. I guess I will deal with that when it is here and just love what is happening right now.
Sounds weird but I have this goal of being down to my 1st goal of 169 by the time my friend gets back from her honeymoon at the end of this week. I do that, I make these weird little goals and dates and rules for myself.

Something to keep us going...

Courtesy of photobucket.com

Today's Intake

This is a little earlier than I usually do this but, I am DONE eating for today. I had a really good eating day and I have a feeling tomorrow morning will be great! The power of positive thinking maybe? I hope so, I could use another great day! Hope you are all having as much success as I am.

Tue, Apr 13 2010Day Incomplete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Breakfast
Kirkland, Maple Bacon 32 160
Coffee (Filter) 474 5
Sugar Free French Vanilla - Liquid 30 30
Lunch
Ground Pork - Fresh Pork 112 230
Fancy Shredded Colby and Monterey Jack Cheese C- 28 110
Dinner
GV Broccoli & Cauliflower 30
GV Broccoli & Cauliflower 30
GV Broccoli & Cauliflower 30
GV Broccoli & Cauliflower 15
Butter - With Salt F 14 100
Fancy Shredded Fiesta Blend Cheese D 28 110
Snacks
Sharp Cheddar Cheese Snack Sticks D 19 81
Original Pork Rinds D- 11 63
Total Calories =994
Total Carbs = 20

Afternoon hunger!

Ugh, this is the worst part of day for me with hunger. It is 3:53 here and I just ate some pork rinds. 80 calories and 0 carbs for 1 serving.

I am so excited, 69 sexy days till summer!

And... I am down another pound! 172, I can't believe it! I had a sneaking suspicion that I might not be but, my endurance is paying off! But, I have lost 16 lbs before and so now I feel like as of today I am really starting to lose weight because before I was kinda just getting back to square one. It was still great to lose that weight but now it really truly begins and I am only 3 lbs from my first goal weight!

Guess I am shallow...

I need to lose 28 lbs by June 20th. Then 10 more pounds to my ultimate goal 135. Then we will see from there. I know I can make it, I can visualize it all. I guess I am a little bit shallow as I am looking forward to people really noticing my weight loss. I am doing this for ME but, the praise is always a bonus. And I am looking forward to the day when I look in the mirror and am happy with what I see.
Then again, sometimes I do not like to hear people say anything because it sometimes makes me slack.

Almost forgot... 70 days till summer!

Yep, that's right we are dropping in digits as the warm motivation quickly approaches us. It is more like 69 days as today is almost over but, I need all the days left I can get! I have 28 pounds to lose by then. I will take more but I want to be 145 pounds max by the first day of summer.

How freaking adorable is Annalynne Mccord

I am so proud...

I ate extremely well today (by my standards) and I feel great! I also did 75 leg presses. 25 floor crunches, 50 machine crunches, 20 arm presses and a few more little exercises. That is better than I have done in a long time.

Here is my food log for today:
Mon, Apr 12 2010Day Incomplete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Coffee (Filter) 474 5
Sugar Free French Vanilla - Liquid 30 30
Whiskey - 40% Volume 53 118
Chicken Broth 100 10
Chicken Broth 100 10
Michelob ULTRA 100 95
Breakfast
Egg, Whole - Cooked, Scrambled C+ 92 154
Jimmy Dean Trim Breakfast Sausage Casing Link - Cooked Links F 68 212
Dinner
Frozen Japanese Blend A 247 100
Ground Pork - Fresh Pork 84 173
Snacks
Original Pork Rinds D- 14 80
Total Calories Consumed 985

I kept it under 1000 today. Trying to change it up and trick my metabolism.
We will see if it paid off tomorrow morning!

I am so excited and motivated!

I am only 4 lbs away from my 1st goal weight, 169! It feels really good. I am feeling good bout life and my choices today. I was looking in the mirror this morning and I turned around and my back fat is looking a lot smaller! Bikini, here I come. But, first at 169, I get to buy flip flops/sandals. (nice ones)

Drumroll please...

Down 1 more pound! Yes! I was not going to eat as much as I did yesterday but dang, I was hungry! Here is my food Log for yesterday.

Sun, Apr 11 2010Day Incomplete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Michelob ULTRA 100 95
Michelob ULTRA 100 95
Michelob ULTRA 100 95
Michelob ULTRA 100 95
Michelob ULTRA 100 95
Breakfast
Coffee (Filter) 474 5
Sugar Free French Vanilla - Liquid 45 45
Egg, Whole - Cooked, Scrambled C+ 122 204
Pork, Cured, Bacon - Cooked, Broiled, Pan-fried Or Roasted D 32 173
Dinner
Broccoli - Cooked, Boiled, Drained, Without Salt A 312 109
Beef, Top Loin - Separable Lean Only, Trimmed To 1/4" Fat, All Grades, Cooked, Broiled B- 104 215
Snacks
Hot & Spicy BBQ Pork Rinds - Pork Rinds 20 106
Chicken, Breast, Meat Only - Cooked, Roasted B 86 142
Hot & Spicy BBQ Pork Rinds - Pork Rinds 17 90
Total Calories Consumed 1,564

Not Robsessed, But I do like him, especially this more rugged Robert Pattinson

Things to make us laugh

Best Button Ever!

I had 5 of these today!

Right now...

I am hungry hungry hungry!!! I layed out in the sun and enjoyed 4 low carb beers!!! Should not have had but, oh well. Gotta live a little right?

71 Days till summer!

And I have 39.4 more pounds to lose. Why does that sound better to me than 40 pounds to lose? It is motivating me. Weird how our minds work.

Loser

Yes, I am but, this is a good thing. But, I am only a little loser. I was down 0.5999999999 etc etc. I'll take it I guess. Hubby is home today working on our house. That is not always a good thing as I seem to eat more or bad things when he is around. He offered me a chocolate muffin and something for breakfast from Wendy's yesterday. I politely declined. I was very proud of myself, I am really trying to avoid fast food. I have been drinking a bit more coffee than I was but, it is very low in calories with no carbs. I am feeling pretty hungry this morning so I better go make breakfast or something. I do think that I can hold out for a while on my coffee. We will see.

My weight

188 187 186 185 184 183 182 181 180 179 178 177 176 175
174 173 172 171 170 169 168 167 166 165 164 163 162 161
160 159 158 157 156 155 154 153 152 151 150 149 148 147
146 145 144 143 142 141 140 139 138 137 136 135 134 133

72 Days till summer!

I was down one more pound today, whoopee! I am not disappointed in that at all!
175, ugh. I will be happier when I am out of the 170's. I would even be happy with 169 right now. That is my 1st goal weight. Bring on the cute new flip flops!

73 Days until summer!

188 187 186 185 184 183 182 181 180 179 178 177 176 175
174 173 172 171 170 169 168 167 166 165 164 163 162 161
160 159 158 157 156 155 154 153 152 151 150 149 148 147
146 145 144 143 142 141 140 139 138 137 136 135 134 133

I think she is so adorable! (From photobucket.com)

Kate Hudson totally thinspires me!

Today

I was down a pound 176. I was hoping to be down 1 more pound than that but I can't be picky, at least I lost and did no stay the same or gain. I am finished eating for the day. I am having my coffee right now instead of this morning. Which worked out great because I had a bit of a sweet craving tonight and the coffee has filled that need.
Here is my food log for today.
Fri, Apr 09 2010Day Incomplete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Sugar Free Rockstar C 480 20 cal
Lunch
Beef Sticks Original 51 200 cal
Original Pork Rinds D- 56 320 cal
Dinner
Beef, Ground, 85% Lean Meat / 15% Fat, Crumbles - Cooked, Pan-browned B- 149 381cal
Cheddar Cheese C 17 69 cal
Cream, Sour, Cultured C- 24 51 cal
Snacks
Chicken, Breast, Meat Only - Cooked, Roasted B 86 142 cal
Whiskey - 40% Volume 100 222 cal
Sugar Free French Vanilla - Liquid 30 30 cal
Coffee (Filter) 474 5 cal
SPLENDA No Calorie 3 0 cal
Total Calories Consumed 1,440

Well, (Deep Subject)

I am going to bed now and excited to weigh in the morning. I drank a huge bottle of water tonight! Looking forward to coffee in the morning as I bought more sugar free french vanilla coffee-mate.
Watched Fringe tonight, I love this show! Okay, okay I have loved Joshua Jackson thru The Mighty Ducks, Dawson's Creek "Pacey", Gossip, The Skulls, Lonestar State of Mind & now Fringe. But, really I think it is a great show. I actually really like Walter, he is so random. As am I at this very moment.
It's Goooooood Night

Food Today

Well, I went a little over what I had planned in my head for my calories today. But, I ate pretty darn healthy. (Except for whiskey) It says I had 27 grams of Carbs, that is a little higher than I like to have but still really low. Well, I hope this all reflects on the scale tomorrow. I also did a lil exercise today playing with my son so hopefully that may have cancelled out my extra calories. We will see, and I will let you know. The following is my day today.

Thu, Apr 08 2010Day Incomplete: View Analysis
Grade Grams Cals
Whiskey - 40% Volume 50 111
Breakfast
Jimmy Dean Formed Breakfast Sausage Patty, Mild - Cooked Patties F 112 340
Egg, Whole - Cooked, Hard-boiled B 100 155
Lunch
Hot Dogs Wieners Bun Lenght D 57 170
Dinner
Salmon, Atlantic, Wild - Cooked, Dry Heat A- 113 206
Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breast, frozen - Meat/Poultry B 56 60
Tomatoes, Red, Ripe - Raw, Year Round Average A 91 16
Original Dressing - Hidden Valley 100 140
Classic Romaine - Packaged Salads, Fresh Discoveries A 368 65
Snacks
Original Pork Rinds - Pork Rinds 17 90
Sugar Free Rockstar C 240 10
Total Calories Consumed 1,363

74 days till summer!

If I want to lose 35 lbs by summer then I have to lose 3.18 lbs a week! That is a lot! I hope I can do it! That is .47 lbs per day, so almost a half a pound. I really need to get to working out. I was thinking of starting Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. 10 days on Level 1, 10 days on level 2 and 10 days on level 3. I need to work out bad!!!

Yay

I was down 3 lbs this morning, now weigh 177, which is nasty and I probably lost water weight but it was the boost I needed today. I layed out in the sun today while watching my boy play in his lil' pool. It was great, I am getting tan! I mean if I have to be this fat (for now) It may as well look better tan. I have eaten pretty well today. I am at 932 cal's except I have not had dinner yet. As of right now, I am not hungry. I hope it stays that way. If I do happen to get hungry, I am not going to stress and just keep it at or under 1200 today. All low carb though.

Today

I was down 1 pound. 176, but I was hoping for t least 2 lbs. But, I can't be picky! At least I did not stay the same or go up!! I have to look on the bright side. I have eaten pretty good so far today. I did a lot of running around, so that helped. I really only eat to excess when I am bored.

I am ...

a little happy with myself today. I did all low carb and kept it at approx 900 cal's.
I am drinking a big eco water bottle of h2o right now and am expecting to be a lil' lighter in the morning. I am expecting 2 lbs. Probably water weight but I need the boost right now.

I came up with the poem below in about 5 minutes... I kinda like it.

Poem

Oh, please, please hear my prayer
Though the lips are sinful of the humble sayer
Let foods not pass that are of little means
No bread, no sugar, no rice, no beans
Let water drown me from the inside out
may not my lip quiver as I see myself and pout
May the scale be spared my excess of weight
May this all happen soon and not late

This girl is sooooooo cute!

Love this...from Photbucket