Down To

174, not quite the jump I was hoping for, but it is a loss none the less. Still keeping up with my low carbs today.

I Have To

Do something! 176 this morning! I am so depressed.

Oh Yah

Lost 3 lbs, down to 172

I wish

I could tell you I was at or near my goal weight, I wish I could tell you I have been working on this really hard. But, truthfully I have sucked! I have been weak and out of control and unfortunately this results in a weight of 160! I hate myself right now.

Oh yeah

Another day in paradise, no way. I am slowly but surely creeping up like I always do! I am up from 135 to 161, as of this morning! Yes, I am mad at myself and hate myself but, I am more fueled today than usual! I have to right this wrong! I have to fight this battle, so I can win this war! I have to be the strong, kick-ass person that I know I am!!! I will do this again!!!

Disturbing

I am 157 today, down from 160... so sad.

Down, down

to 148 this morning. Not quite the jump in weight-loss I was hoping for but, it is still in the right direction. I am going to keep chugging along... 20 more lbs, I can do it!

Why, oh why

do I have to be a complete failure? 158 this morning, ick, ick, ick! On top of that I am very late with my period (I call it on the dot) wouldn't that be great to get pregnant at this weight & then have to get really huge! I am 99% sure that I am not but, these thoughts cross my mind. On top of all of this, I feel very alone even with my husband and it is wreaking havoc on my esteem & I feel depressed which in turn does not help my eating plan. I am hating life right now!

It's amazing how

I can go from 156 to 149 in 2 days!!! I am very excited and motivated by it!!! I have a special ocassion on Sunday evening & I want to be as small as I can by then. Maybe 145 or below? We will see!!!

Ate

pretty darn good today. 5 carbs and right about at 1000 cal's. I was down to 152 this morning, that was a plus but, I have a long ways to go!

So

I would love to tell you that I have just been kicking ass on my eating plan and have lost "x" about of lbs but, I can't. I have been eating for shit and am feeling the effects. I am 156 this morning, I have a headache, I am bloated & do not feel very well. Ugh, why am I such a loser right now? Last year around this time, I was obsessed & nothing was stopping me! I have got to find my motivation again. Fitting in to everything & hearing "you are so skinny" gets old for me. I need something motivating that is not from an outside source, I think.

Have

eaten pretty good the last couple of days but the few days before that, I did not. I was at 154 this morning (icky) I have had 777 cal's today and 12.5 carbs.

Today

I am down to 148, yes!!! I am happy about this, pretty happy. Only 20-23 more lbs to go! But, I have lost 40 lbs all together!

Amazing!!!

Went to bed weighing 155 and woke up 150! I am very excited about that because I was thinking 153, maybe 152 but, 150? I wish losing weight was always as easy as 5lbs at a time but, it has given me the boost that I need. I have a convention to go to the first weekend in June and I have decided on a goal of 125-128 by June 3rd. I think that is a realistic goal. That is 66 days to lose 23-25 lbs. That is 9 weeks & 2.5 lbs per week! I can totally do this! I am very excited right now!!! This is going to be a great morning!

Have Not

written in a month and a half? It does not seem like it has been that long at all! I am sorry I have not been on. I am not sure what I have been doing truthfully. Except obsessing & still eating like crap! I am 155 today, that is 20 lbs gained! This is not okay! I need someone to tell me it's not okay!!! Everyone around me says things like "it's okay, you look good, I can't tell, maybe you are not meant to be 135" What, are you kidding me? Not only am I meant to be 135, I am meant to be 125 or whatever weight makes me happy. I am not happy in the 150's, so how can I be meant to be unhappy? So, with that aside... I am not, I am meant to be happy & skinny... I know I am! So, as of today I make the decision to get back on my low-carb plan (because it is the only one I can handle) and I am going to be strict again!

Quick Note

before I drag myself to bed. Have eaten amazingly for the past 3 days, although today was even better than the other two. 839 cal's & 2 carbs. I am 148 today so, a lb down. I cannot complain about a loss no matter how insignificant & 1 lb is significant to me.

Today

is a crazy day! Yesterday I weighed 155 and today I woke up and weighed 149.2! How can you lose 5.2 lbs in 1 day? Water weight, I guess. I am not complaining at all! I have eaten good yesterday & today, yay for me! 937 cal's & 26 carbs today

This may not seem

like the ideal day to start back on track but, any day is as good as any other right? And, there is no time like the present. So, here I am back with a vengeance! I am mad at myself and that fuels me! I do not hate my complete self, just the part that tries to take over and control me. When I am in control of myself & it, then I am happy. By the way, I am 155 today... very sad.

This morning...

I am 152.0 - I have no excuses, I have been careless and a little depressed and that equals food in disgusting amounts. Today, I am back to my happiness of low-carb/low-cal life because I can tell you right now, food doesn't make me happy when I am eating it & I am not happy now.

How did I do this?

Ate all that I did yesterday and only gain 1 lb? I am amazed right now! I am going to take this as a sign to get my ass in gear and go with it!!! I have to do this! Okay, sometimes I need to spell out my goals to make them more real. I am 148 right now, I have been as low as 132... Now, I want to be 128, so I have to lose 20 lbs! If I would have not been such a DA, I would have only had to lose 6, but I am, so I do. But, this is totally ok... I can do this. Low Carb all the way!!! 1st thing, coffee this morning.