Why, oh why

do I have to be a complete failure? 158 this morning, ick, ick, ick! On top of that I am very late with my period (I call it on the dot) wouldn't that be great to get pregnant at this weight & then have to get really huge! I am 99% sure that I am not but, these thoughts cross my mind. On top of all of this, I feel very alone even with my husband and it is wreaking havoc on my esteem & I feel depressed which in turn does not help my eating plan. I am hating life right now!

Sorry

to disappoint everyone including myself. I am a disgusting fat-ass and was 155 this morning & today I have eaten horrible!!! I hate it, myself & my life! The only thing keeping me going is my gorgeous 3 yr old son! Help, I am so lonely & depressed that I can't seem to function well right now.

It's amazing how

I can go from 156 to 149 in 2 days!!! I am very excited and motivated by it!!! I have a special ocassion on Sunday evening & I want to be as small as I can by then. Maybe 145 or below? We will see!!!

Ate

pretty darn good today. 5 carbs and right about at 1000 cal's. I was down to 152 this morning, that was a plus but, I have a long ways to go!

So

I would love to tell you that I have just been kicking ass on my eating plan and have lost "x" about of lbs but, I can't. I have been eating for shit and am feeling the effects. I am 156 this morning, I have a headache, I am bloated & do not feel very well. Ugh, why am I such a loser right now? Last year around this time, I was obsessed & nothing was stopping me! I have got to find my motivation again. Fitting in to everything & hearing "you are so skinny" gets old for me. I need something motivating that is not from an outside source, I think.

Have

eaten pretty good the last couple of days but the few days before that, I did not. I was at 154 this morning (icky) I have had 777 cal's today and 12.5 carbs.