I wish

I could tell you I was at or near my goal weight, I wish I could tell you I have been working on this really hard. But, truthfully I have sucked! I have been weak and out of control and unfortunately this results in a weight of 160! I hate myself right now.

Oh yeah

Another day in paradise, no way. I am slowly but surely creeping up like I always do! I am up from 135 to 161, as of this morning! Yes, I am mad at myself and hate myself but, I am more fueled today than usual! I have to right this wrong! I have to fight this battle, so I can win this war! I have to be the strong, kick-ass person that I know I am!!! I will do this again!!!

I am

a truly disgusting individual. I was 160 yesterday, I am not even sure what I am at 4:00 am right now. I am bloated, fat and feel like there is no hope. I know there is, I know my body will lose this weight if I just quit abusing it! For some reason I am out of control with eating and drinking. I hate myself right now. Maybe this self-loathing can fuel my desires. I have not figured out how yet.