Oh yeah

Another day in paradise, no way. I am slowly but surely creeping up like I always do! I am up from 135 to 161, as of this morning! Yes, I am mad at myself and hate myself but, I am more fueled today than usual! I have to right this wrong! I have to fight this battle, so I can win this war! I have to be the strong, kick-ass person that I know I am!!! I will do this again!!!

Down, down

to 148 this morning. Not quite the jump in weight-loss I was hoping for but, it is still in the right direction. I am going to keep chugging along... 20 more lbs, I can do it!

Well, I always

Feel really happy when I finally do get out of the 150's even if it is 149. This is usually the point where I jinx & sabotage myself. Not this time, I am rearing to go and more determined than ever.

I did

eat really good today. I have to say, not as good as the last two days but, that was on purpose. Today, I ate 1100 cal's and 16 carbs. That was to intentionally bump up my metabo so when I do go low the next few days my body will not feel like it is starving & I have to change things up for my own personal sanity. I almost just ate a minute ago & it is 8:06 pm, well I do not eat after 6:30. But, I did not do it! I had some green tea instead. I looked ate my fave thinspo http://thinspiration-pictures.blogspot.com and moved on. I hope I can do this everyday because I know I am pms-ing right now. But, the night is not done, but I think I am over my weak point. I actually took out my low-carb lasagna (which is normally a good thing in my open hours of eating) had the lid off & the fork in my hand and I said NO! I am so proud right now. I mean, it's just food and it will be there tomorrow, right?

Oh hey

I kinda forgot to update you on me. I ate amazing Monday, lost 5 lbs overnight (water weight) Ate really great yesterday & today weighed 149. At least I am out of the 150's! I have motivated myself again and am getting my obsession back, which is good because I can't do it without it. My new goal is 125 lbs. I am going to do this & me amazing! I will post some pics of me along the way. Right now, before & after pics of other girls who have done it are really keeping me going! I was so hungry last night, but did not give in, just drank water.

It's amazing how

I can go from 156 to 149 in 2 days!!! I am very excited and motivated by it!!! I have a special ocassion on Sunday evening & I want to be as small as I can by then. Maybe 145 or below? We will see!!!

More Jeans thinspo

What a Beauty

Sooo Tiny, Love Jeans thinspo

I need some thinspo,

Amazing!!!

Went to bed weighing 155 and woke up 150! I am very excited about that because I was thinking 153, maybe 152 but, 150? I wish losing weight was always as easy as 5lbs at a time but, it has given me the boost that I need. I have a convention to go to the first weekend in June and I have decided on a goal of 125-128 by June 3rd. I think that is a realistic goal. That is 66 days to lose 23-25 lbs. That is 9 weeks & 2.5 lbs per week! I can totally do this! I am very excited right now!!! This is going to be a great morning!

Tonight

I am feeling very proud of myself! I ate wonderfully today & have not given in, even though I had a self-defeating attitude this morning. I overcame it & ate great anyways. That is a big, big deal for me. I am back on here and that is a huge motivator too! I got my new Victoria's Secret Catalog today and that reaffirmed my desire for a great, skinny body! Yay VS, love it!

Have Not

written in a month and a half? It does not seem like it has been that long at all! I am sorry I have not been on. I am not sure what I have been doing truthfully. Except obsessing & still eating like crap! I am 155 today, that is 20 lbs gained! This is not okay! I need someone to tell me it's not okay!!! Everyone around me says things like "it's okay, you look good, I can't tell, maybe you are not meant to be 135" What, are you kidding me? Not only am I meant to be 135, I am meant to be 125 or whatever weight makes me happy. I am not happy in the 150's, so how can I be meant to be unhappy? So, with that aside... I am not, I am meant to be happy & skinny... I know I am! So, as of today I make the decision to get back on my low-carb plan (because it is the only one I can handle) and I am going to be strict again!

This may not seem

like the ideal day to start back on track but, any day is as good as any other right? And, there is no time like the present. So, here I am back with a vengeance! I am mad at myself and that fuels me! I do not hate my complete self, just the part that tries to take over and control me. When I am in control of myself & it, then I am happy. By the way, I am 155 today... very sad.

Don't Really

want to go into the last 3 days but, tomorrow is a new day! Thank goodness! I have a friend that I plan to see in roughly a week. I want to lose as much weight as I can in a week. I will probably want to cry on the scale tomorrow, especially because I just started tonight.

How did I do this?

Ate all that I did yesterday and only gain 1 lb? I am amazed right now! I am going to take this as a sign to get my ass in gear and go with it!!! I have to do this! Okay, sometimes I need to spell out my goals to make them more real. I am 148 right now, I have been as low as 132... Now, I want to be 128, so I have to lose 20 lbs! If I would have not been such a DA, I would have only had to lose 6, but I am, so I do. But, this is totally ok... I can do this. Low Carb all the way!!! 1st thing, coffee this morning.

Kelly Carlson (I love her, she is 35 next month)

Yeah Baby!

I have a hard time

with most thinspo, because all the girls are 14+. They look great but my body is not the same in my 30's as it was in my teens (thank goodness) I love my body more now and it feels so much sexier now. So, I find thinspo in Cameron Diaz etc.

Looked At

some races but, have made no commitment to one yet. I did find some trails to train on near my home though, that was cool. I have eaten really great today, proud of myself especially after stuffing myself for over a week. Tonight or tomorrow back in the 140's! No, I am not excited about that but, have to be happier over that than being even bigger into the 150's right? So, I am thinking I want to be at my goal weight by Jan 29th. The reason is, I want to have a family photo taken. I have been married almost 13 years and my son will be 3 and we have never had a family photo as of yet. Not just me and my hubby and not the three of us. I think it is time.