Doing better

today! Okay, so I have been doing my low-carb deal since Monday and I have lost 6 lbs so far. That makes me happy

I am back!

Okay, Okay really. I am back with a vengeance! First I am going to start by saying that I weigh 197 today. I have been that weight for a while. It totally sucks but, in the wintertime I get really down and bored and this winter I have done nothing but eat drink and be miserable. I get the winter blues really bad. But, it is totally spring and has been for a month. It has taken me a bit longer than usual to get out of my funk. But, I am feeling motivated and happier! Okay, so how do I plan on losing this disgusting weight? Well, to start I am going to jumpstart this weight loss with BOB HARPERS Jumpstart To Skinny Plan. I bought the book and I love it! Well, I love Bob anyways and he has great recipes and a plan to lose 20 lbs in 3 weeks. I have an event at the end of May and I would like to be at least 20 lbs down. And the most amazing part? On the plan ladies only eat 800 cal's a day! That's right! I am really excited, that there is a real plan under 1000 cal's! Well, I am going to track my success here and keep sane by venting here. I will post a pic of my 197 lb body later. It helps me to see how bad it all really looks. I am sorry, you may have to turn away or it may motivate you as well!

Here again

Okay, Okay So, I have not been here in a long time and my life has slowly but surely been going to shit. I am 200 lbs this morning! I have been up to 203! I know, very disgusting. I changed the name of this blog because I am a wannarexic. I am, I want to starve and be skinny but, I do not have the mental disease that so many people deal with. I know that I am not anorexic. I do like to eat food, obviously. I am not here to downplay what anorexics go through or have to deal with. I do however have respect for how strong they are in holding out and getting to where they want to be. I personally can only go like this for very small periods of time. And yes, I do wish that I could have their fortitude. I really do not care if people come on here and hate on some stuff. "You have to get more haters" - Katt Williams I am a grown a** woman and do not care for labels or class distinctions amongst a society of people under a topic of such low importance (compared to the magnitude of problems in the world) as who has the worst time with an eating disorder.

Yes!

This day is too much!

I am feeling like a large, crazy, alcoholic house! So broken down and no one wants to live in it. They remember that it used to be beautiful.

I Hate Myself!

I am absolutely disgusting right now! I was 181 this morning. Disgusting I know. Starting tomorrow, low carb and 500 cals per day. I am dedicated and waiting to fit into my little clothes. I can do this, I am also working toward my 5k on May 5, 2012. Pray for me, lol I need it.

Down To

174, not quite the jump I was hoping for, but it is a loss none the less. Still keeping up with my low carbs today.

761

Calories and 2 carbs. I wish everyday was like today! I hope to God I can keep it up!

I Have To

Do something! 176 this morning! I am so depressed.

Oh

175, I cant even talk about it. And I did not do any better today I am sorry

Ok

So yesterday I did amazing until last night when I was seduced by tortilla chips and homemade Guacamole. And I drank with my buddy last night. Weighed in this morning & was the same. So I guess no harm done. Back on the wagon today! With fury! 171

Oh Yah

Lost 3 lbs, down to 172

This Is Totally Motivating!

I Know

I can do this because I had a great beginning of eating to this week and in my mind... On into spring and summer. That is how far I am looking ahead. 750 caps, 0 carbs

Eating

Ate like crap again today! Big suprise! Had Indian food with my friend. And of course alcohol. Start fresh tomorrow.

Another Beginning?

Yeah,my butt! It has to be! My weight this morning? 176 lbs! Nasty madness! Only 12 lbs from where I was this time 2 yrs ago 188, 1 yr ago, I was 137! What happened? No motivation, depression and lazyness.

Another Beginning!

Basics Only because it is so depressing!

173- - - - - -Unacceptable

168- - - - - -New Goals can start.

161- - - - - -Beanie

153- - - - - -Tights

148- - - - - -Make-Up

143- - - - - -Something VOLCOM

138- - - - - -VS Panties

133- - - - - -Anything

128- - - - - -New Swimsuit!

Fat

Fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat

I wish

I could tell you I was at or near my goal weight, I wish I could tell you I have been working on this really hard. But, truthfully I have sucked! I have been weak and out of control and unfortunately this results in a weight of 160! I hate myself right now.

Oh yeah

Another day in paradise, no way. I am slowly but surely creeping up like I always do! I am up from 135 to 161, as of this morning! Yes, I am mad at myself and hate myself but, I am more fueled today than usual! I have to right this wrong! I have to fight this battle, so I can win this war! I have to be the strong, kick-ass person that I know I am!!! I will do this again!!!